Vegas Round 2...

This was a good trip where I knew I'd see some fighting, drinking and alot more gambling than sleep and must say, I think I created a crew of degeneratesssssssss. Friday night was a nice late night porn session, meaning I only had about 4 hours to get home and pack and sleep to make my ass early Sat am flight. As usual I over packed which shouldn't be normal for a straight guy, but knowing my balls crawl up inside my ass when its cold, I didn't want to gamble on my own warm-blooded self.

Sleep didn't happen and I shot out and got to the airport at a nice time only do deal with a major dilemma, get my seat or take options a or b. I am a sucker for deals and US Air overbooked and offered me, a) $200 or b) a free round trip anywhere anytime.... damn.. takes me less time to decide to muck AA. Talk about pressure!

I took C) neither. I am meeting the crew and knowing we need to get to drinking, gambling and eating asap I wasn't gonna fuck them over... even if it meant a free trip to Vegas later(which I regret as I am writing this as I am a) off Saturday and b) know my Ashlie is going to be in Vegas THIS weekend). Two hours to go, I popped 3 Tylenol PMs and chowed down on a Chic-Fil-A biscuit. The flight was a blur, I don't even remember a song on my iPod.

Needless to say, airport was a madhouse being UFC/Super Bowl weekend, but Moon found me pretty quick and got my luggage without a hitch. Of course, he had to comment on the straight guy having more luggage than the gay one. Whateverrr.

Maddog rang my phone and found us pretty quick and low and behold Shy had to take her sweet ass time til she found us. I mean hello.... everyone knows me! We got a cab pretty quick and checked in at the Monte Carlo and locked our shit up pretty quick. Weather was nice and we walked over to the Forum Shops and hit up Spago and got our first drinks in of the trip.... certainly a good start when liquid goodness is ingested.

Spago was pretty interesting, just having a Cafe menu and had to admit... I got the St. Louis style ribs and can't complain.... kick ass fries with it. Moon and Shy shared my choice and Maddog had some salad. What a pussy! We got out there and got back over to the Monte Carlo for a little BJ action. No, no... no hookers yet, Just some 21 action. I dropped $100 and did ok with some $10 bets and think I ended up down $40, Maddog was counting cards or calories... must have got them confused... but think he just gave up and called it quits. So much for those 5 minutes!

We decided on the game plan and got everyone ready to meet up later depending on our time frame. Moon and I compared bets for the UFC fight and basically picked the same way down so we just threw together 3 bets against each other to make it somewhat interesting. We shot over to Mandalay Bay and got settled pretty quick. The testosterone was in the air and blood about to be shed! Of the nine fights... only 3 were really hyped up, so after a few minutes, we started giving each other 2-1 on underdogs, just to make them more interesting.

Moon was thrilled to see Tito but with my girl Jenna (NSFW). Seems like a few porn stars stuck around a few weeks after the AVNs to strut their stuff and sell ???? I was in love. I still wish UFC would let the women MMA fighters into their events. A few drinks, a few draws and a few knockouts and it was over. Lutter didn't make weight and there was no "title" fight. Silva beat him anyways and I was down $30 for the fight and -$60 over the day. We got a hold of Maddog and Shy and they hadn't left for N9NE yet so we all got a taxi and got there with time to spare.

We hit the Palms and the place was packed. Dial a shot time, I got the gang a round of Goldschlager since its a nice strong start and would warm everyone up. We made call #1 and toasted our badasses. We strutted over to N9NE and the line for Rain night club had even more porn stars... Where are they when I need one?

We got our seats about 15 minutes after we got there and certainly enjoyed a fabulous meal. Surf and Turf was phenomenal, and yet again, Maddog took a different path and got the veal chop. A thing of beauty and hope its on the menu for my next visit. We killed our cocktails and proceeded to the pits. I can't remember if we gambled or not. Poker room looked pretty week so we jetted back to the Monte Carlo for some recovery time.

After about 30 minutes we grouped up and I taught the group Chinese Poker. Thank god we weren't playing for money yet, I was getting hammered by the beginners' luck boxes. Rough. I left still needed to work up from my blackjack losses and hit roulette. I'd have to say I was on Chinese Poker Tilt and started betting black and odd alot! 9 and 26 hit once each.. once when I played 6 accidentally and once when I was ordering a drink. Finally a 26 hit and my stack was pretty, I cashed out up $110. $50 up for the trip!

Sunday (later that morning)...
We gathered up for craps lessons. I never understood craps. I didn't understand the lesson. But I like to gamble. And little did I know what this little lesson would do to us...I can hear it now,"Jailhouse." Moon and I lost interest quick in the craps lesson and went back to roulette. Taking a small win we decided its sportsbook time and went to place my bets on Grossman and da' Bears. My UF friend, don't fail me now! I took my Bear's on the points and got my update on the rain in Miami. I think the Bears, under and 4th quarter field goals were locks! Hey, guess what Russ=Dumbass.

Moon and Maddog grabbed some grub and I met up with Shy and her practice craps session. We caught up with them at the restaurant and my voice(lacking a voice) need some serious help after screaming at the fighters the night before(I swear I wasn't asking Jenna if she wanted to be tea bagged, I swear!). I ended up getting a Cobb salad and Irish coffee. Russ scores a pussy point! At least I had alcohol bitches!

We made our way over to Green Valley Ranch for the sportsbook and Sushi+Sake all you can eat deal. We had time to kill so we grabbed another round of Goldschlager for Dial a Shot round 2. I know I didn't sound like I do on cam but fuck it, we are in Vegas and you aren't!

Now I know our little crew understand poker hands, so I sat them down at Pai Gow for a cheap table to learn the game. Little did I know, I created another monster! After about 15 minutes I was on Pai Gow tilt and betting my last$25 on every hand and the damn bonus $1 on everyone else's hands. Ohhhhh snap trips aces and a Joker? DQB!!!!!

The game started and we strolled over to the sportsbook and couldn't find a fucking seat. Amazing. You think there are gamblers in Vegas? We had some drinks and fuck yes, yes yes!!! Run back that kick off! Well, lets just say, I was worried after the first 5 minutes. Bears with no ground game? Fuck!

We lost Moon to the slots and picked him up as it was time to introduce Shy to sushi. She prefers cunt, just not raw tuna. Oh well. I was stoked, I am sure I killed about $60 in sushi and know we all ate our moneys worth. Selection wasn't enough for Moon and Mad but fuck them, the quality was enough for me. One more Dial a Shot and we had fully depressed several people that didn't get to join us.

By the time we made it back to the game during the 4th quarter, all hell had broken loose, Moon had made a bed date with Maddog (all in jest) and the Bears and myself just got anally raped!

We moved to some selective games and Shy and I checked out craps. I understood a few things, but didn't have all the odds figured out. Needless to say, I dropped a $100 in less than ten rolls. Seeing Shy with the red chips, I got envious. The gentleman to my left said know when to walk away. Ha! I am "The Russ". I got my chips and it was Shy's roll. Lets just say 10 minutes later she's still rolling and I am only down $50. Come back!

Shy craps out after 15 minutes and I am only down $50... she's looking back about even and the guy to her right is now up about $400 betting nothing but quarters. The table is growing and we can't get a fucking cocktail! Um, Super Bowl weekend and no cocktail waitress? Tilt! Back down $100.

So I roll a good 10 minute streak and keep my bets small and crap out. Back even! I hit a few Field bets and sit out a few rolls and keep mixing it up... going for a feel and manage to get up $100. By this time we have a high roller dropping $500 pass line bets and paying off his marker. Shy is about to roll... and here it comes... (Now I hadn't notice exactly what Shy was wearing but somehow I guess her long sleeved striped shirt could be mistaken for prisoner attire)
S
omeone starts chanting "jail house. jail house.". She's wearing stripes... and she robbed the casino. People chanting and jumping up and down for the next 15 minutes. She can't fucking miss! Needless to say we both walk away up and get with the crew for more drinks. Maddogs tearing up BJ and Moon is putting the dealer on Pai Gow tilt. Love it. I trained them well. Shy and I look at each other. Back to CRAPS!

The intensity died down a bit and then perked up on our return, finally with drinks! The run wasn't as good so we break and I find myself at the Pai Gow tables. Moon slides me $150 and I run it up to about $350 for him. I just had no desire to play either. Strange? Possibly. But whatever, wasn't my money. Time to jet.

We hit Fatburgers and chow some late night burger and fries. No fucking clue I had room for it, I was still full from sushi, but damn, I love me some Fatburger. Country music on the jukebox anmd I wanted to shoot myself. But since Jailhouse prefers cuntry we let it play and I kept my veins intact.

We hopped back over to the MC and somehow ended up playing slots. Moon seemed to have some luck left over from GVR but it was the quickest $60 I ever spent. I had to go over to roulette and make that back.. which I did in about 12 spins. Some how I got Moon to place a perfect parlay bet and hit paying him off close to 4-1. I made him walk away after that.

I needed a shower and headed up to my room but decided if I found a second wind we'd head over to Caesar's poker room and see what was up. It's not a far walk, but Moon won a pussy award for taking a cab over (OK my feet fucking HURT but still... 2 blocks!) Maddog was just a pussy for not going!

I love Caesar's poker room. It is by far one of the larger and nicer rooms, but it was DEAD. Basically about after an hour of 3/6 Limit we took all we could of listening to Ms. Boa and Boobs talking about the pimp and hooker with nasty feet at Fatburger earlier, so we took our asses back to MC and crashed.

Monday am...
One thing about Monte Carlo. Don't expect to sleep. Paper thin walls, doors that slam quicker than Anna Nicole Smith getting publicity, and housekeeping rapping on doors at 9am... Um, I got 3 hours of sleep douche bags! It just wasn't ideal for sleeping. I am glad I didn't need that much anyways!

We met up and checked our bags and worked our way back down to the main restaurant and got a light breakfast. I split a club because wasn't that hungry and by this point, my lips were so chapped you'd have thought I was a Iraq prisoner and mustard was the US troops torturing me. Chapstick is a blessing! But a little too late. I am on Chapped Lip Tilt. Time to find a craps table!

We sent Maddog on his way and made good on our promise to Jailhouse to go to the Stratosphere. We zoomed up to the top and each chose a respective ride, and went for a spin. Fun times. We lost Moon while on his ride so we chilled with some beverages and caught up with him a few minutes later and headed to craps! Well, I dropped a quick $200 and went on Tilt and needless to say, Jailhouses luck went to hell too. The table sucked. It took some time but we found our grooves and made some good bets. I am not one for pressing my luck. I cooled off while others were hot. Needless to say. I am now lucky number 7. When Shy crapped out, I hit 5 SEVENS in a row! All while pushing my field bets. Lucky for me, I laid a $102 bet on the field and Boxcar. AND IT FUCKING HIT. Ok, I'll take my $60 profit and jet! We had to get some grub and jet soon anyways.

Back at Caesar's we did 2 more Dial a Shots and got a kick ass meal at Cheesecake Factory. Having one in Tampa and never going, I finally found what I was missing. Bang Bang Chicken was fucking amazing. I will have to have it again and soon. I told jailhouse we'd have to get her a chip from Caesar's so I quickly gave away $49 at roulette to get her a souvenir. What a nice guy I am, and she calls me mean!

It was a great trip and I can't think of anywhere else I'd like to vacation ever again. I wish more people can make it in the future and I can teach more people to play gin at the airport, and how to use their iPod, but the fact winning this time made it so much better. I didn't get my ass kicked like some(Lutter, Griffin, Rivera) and managed to only deal with one obnoxious stripper on the flight home that couldn't wait 5 minutes for a handicapped older woman to get a safe seat on the plane. Someday, when her looks fail and she's that older woman, I hope someone yells at her sorry rude ass to hurry up.

See you in Vegas in 3 months!